What brings me to peace-building

I believe I am a bit late in writing this post. This I guess should have been the first post from my side. Nevertheless, now that I feel it is important to write, I dedicate this post to Sehr Nisar - my peace-building partner. The aim of this post Sehr is that you get to know me better, that we commence a fruitful dialogue to last for a whole year, that we know what each one of us thinks of this project and in the end the chance to be connected to you - which in a sense makes me feel very happy. I think it was a bit premature to think and start our discussions with topics like 'Holi' and 'Partition'. Sure, it is going to fun to chat up with you but I feel we need to know each other a bit more before we formally begin to interact. That is why this post.

I would like to begin by telling you something about myself. Of course as we talk and connect, it will be clear what we are and what each one of us stands for. This project for me is an opportunity to discover myself and discover the various layers of conflict and peace. Peace may not be the 'absence' of conflict but for me it clearly is the presence of conflict and differences whose knowledge makes us mature and accommodating. While talking about peace, it is not necessary to brush aside issues that are difficult to deal with, that are complex, that possess layers of understanding and that may not be simplified into 'black and white', 'good and bad', 'right and wrong'. Peace is not that simple, neither can we keep it caged in binary opposites. Conflict is as desirable as peace since conflict brings to us a variety of understandings, it allows us room for dissent. I believe it is possible to live happily in conflict if each side willingly accepts the differences and does not crib about it. I do not believe in the concept of absolute peace, neither do I see conflict as bad/undesirable. However, conflict has to be managed, the 'other' has to be given space, his/her views have to be heard and despite all the differences we continue to be friends. For me, conflict is a celebration of our diversities and differences. Not something to be anguished and antagonistic about. But even in conflict we should learn to accept and respect what the 'other' believes' and in his/her right to express one's own views.

Now about myself - of course to describe my life till now in the limits of a blog is not possible (since life is a limitless experience) but I would like you to know me ... to know who I am and what I believe in. I come from a middle class family in Gujarat and have lived in a joint family of parents, grandparents and a sister. My parents are doctors by profession and I have stayed for the most part of my life in Gujarat - this is what I call my home. My Gujarati identity is precious to me, I love my homeland and wish to be dedicated to its service for the rest of my life. Like any other girl of my age, I have friends, like to spend time with family, love Hindi movies (lets not call it Bollywood!) and have dreams of doing good work which will benefit my country. I completed my Bachelors in Political Science and then went on to pursue my Masters in Communication Studies. Presently (since 2011) I am engaged in a PhD in Political Science wherein I am working on the role of the media in India-Pakistan Conflict Mediation. I love what I am currently doing, I am passionate researcher and have been glued to the study of Politics for a long time. Research is something that I dearly love and wish to pursue research in many different forms in the future. I got married in 2011 and currently stay with my husband and mother-in-law in Baroda. I have a lovely and supportive family who understand me and my dreams and have given me the freedom to pursue what I wish. I am also a bit short-tempered, impatient :( and ideologically inclined. I have learnt important lessons in life by the way of experience. I am also a devout, not strictly religious in that sense but I believe in the strength of prayer and spirituality. My idea of religion is more attuned towards connecting to God via a dialogue with Him/Her. I believe in religious harmony, peaceful coexistence and learning about different religions. It is my dream to pursue a course in comparative religions where I may be able to gain knowledge of different religious practices. Since, the past three years I was also engaged in teaching in the university. I guided students for their research work and taught them Political Science as well as various aspects of research methodology. Studying is like an addiction that I have and frankly I look to studying more and more. I wish studies never ended for me :) Whenever I wish to relax, I prefer shopping and watching Hindi movies. I also keenly watch movies in different languages like Marathi, Gujarati, Bengali. I have also obtained a degree in Hindustani classic music long back. After I complete my PhD (which I wish to do soon!), I would like to rekindle my interests in music and professionally as well as seriously return to my love for music. I am a big garba freak. Garba is the traditional dance fest of Gujarat. I love listening to devotional songs. I love debates, interactions, new perspectives, different viewpoints and love talking. With this I am sure this project with you will be fun. 

My idea of peace-building is trying to understand people, their wishes, their lives, experiences and their world views. And this is precisely why I am here. I have been doing a lot of academic and research work since the past four years as a part of my thesis and in that process I have interacted with many Pakistanis - have found them to be very warm, friendly and cooperative - just like us Indians - I think when it comes to the people of the two countries there are many a common grounds to be discovered, but when it comes to the questions of 'state' and 'nationalism', problems arise and dialogue becomes difficult. I am here to engage in a dialogue with you. To tell you very frankly (and I believe that frankness and transparency are the first steps towards a dialogue), Pakistan actually did not figure in my interest areas before I actually started working on my research topic. It was only after that I started studying more and more in the area and talked and connected with many Pakistanis over social networking websites that I got interested in Pakistan and its people. Before that certainly the view I held about Pakistan was extremely stereotypical and narrow and I personally never bothered to explore the other side of Pakistan - which is its people, its culture, its tradition. The only emotion that I experienced for Pakistan was during an India-Pakistan cricket match in which I very obviously rooted for the victory of the Indian team (it hard be hard to believe that once I was a crazy cricket fan, so much so that I even visited temples to pray for the victory of the cricket team, sounds really hilarious na!). Now with a bit of reading and interaction with Pakistanis, I feel my views about them have undergone a sea change and I am glad that I came into this project with these views. But at this point of time I feel inadequate in my knowledge about Pakistan and its people. I wish to know more about the culture, traditions in Pakistan, the festivals you celebrate, the culture and music industry of Pakistan, its beautiful places, shrines, places of religious importance, its cities, villages, its movies, its people, its politics and education system and how the country actually is. And this I believe you can help me know. In turn I can tell all of these things about Indian to you. Basically I am here to strike a common ground with you because I very strongly believe that we have a lot in common, only that we are not aware about it. Some stereotypes about Pakistan are still entrenched in my mind and I wish to do away with them. I have never met a Pakistani in my entire life and last year I made a wish - for me to be able to meet my Pakistani friends, for me to be able to visit Pakistan and for them to be able to come to India. I hope this dream comes true.

I am not here to claim in any way that I am a peace-maker or that I can champion the cause of peace. I am ordinary soul who just wants to know, who is eager to learn and build friendships over the year. My selfish motive is to enhance my own knowledge and remove any misconceptions that I have. I believe Pakistan is a beautiful country and its people are even more beautiful. So this is my chance to know about your beautiful nation and tell me about mine. I am a nationalist, I love my country, I am proud of it - but my idea of peace is not restricted to the love for my country. My idea of peace is to build a common bond among the people of different countries, different nationalities. One may love one's country, there is nothing wrong with it - but one's love for the country should not be measured in terms of one's hatred for the other. This is peace-building and this is why I am here. I feel that through the sessions that we have together, we both will be enriched and in the end when we have a chance to meet our friendship will be strengthened. We will be able to spread our ideas of peace to our friends, family, colleagues with more conviction. We shall be able to resolve differences in a healthy manner and if these are not resolved we shall learn to live with them happily. We shall devote our energies to the task of peace because hatred damages one's own self more than anybody else. 

With this in mind, I hope to invite you and all other peace-builders in our group to my house to relish the taste of something that I love - Gujarati delicacies like khaman-dhokla, khandvi, undhiyu, sev tameta and ringan nu shaak. I love food :) and I am also eager to know what is famous in Pakistani cuisine so that when I come to meet you I can have it with you.

Lets continue this exchange of peace with a post from you now ... I am eagerly awaiting it :)

NIDHI

Conflict, Peace and Religion - Some reflections

On 8th March, 2014 i.e. Women's Day I had the wonderful opportunity of being part of a national seminar on 'Religion, Secularism and the shifting goalposts of Democracy in India. These are the three buzz words in the current political milieu which is soon going to be dominated by elections, votes, alliances, shifting loyalties etc. It was interesting to note that the discussion focused on complex issues such as religion and secularism which we usually avoid as these are believed to be sensitive and touchy issues on which a public discussion seems rarely possible. What I liked about the seminar was the openness and frank nature of the deliberations. I believe that it is a must to come out in the open and discuss these issues, not bury them in the closet. This is why I chose to reflect on conflict and peace with reference to religion.

I think religion is important but at the same time it is also turning out to be the root cause of confrontations the world over. Religion is something that is deeply personal; now however a matter of public and political debate. What then is the relationship between conflict, peace and religion? Does some kind of a relationship actually exist? Even in this liberal, interdependent modern world, I believe religion continues to hold a sway over people, continues to dominate people's lives and dictate the way they live. It also informs the way we perceive the 'other'. Somethings that do not seem to suit our religious beliefs is unlikely to be accepted by us. In the arena of conflict and peace, religion is most likely to be used as a double edged sword ... it can be used as a tool for cooperation and as a tool for perpetuating confrontations and even aggravating them. The speakers in the seminar seemed to suggest that all religious denominations proposed similar messages of peace, harmony, love and tolerance. If this is true, it baffles me as to why religion ends up being the cause for bitterness, hatred and violence. Is it because religion was meant to be kept in a sacred, personal space and all that has been done is to politicize it, use it for malicious ends? Can secular ideals (the way they are practiced and professed today) visualize a world free of conflicts? The speakers presented highly idealized versions of religion and claimed that religion should not be brought to the public space at all. It all seemed fine but practically religion still holds so much of power that it can make people insane. I had questions like - are all religions really similar in their preaching? are all religions equal? what about the domain of unorganized religions (here the talk concentrated on organized religions that had a sacred text and some religious ideals to be followed)? Somewhere down the line, I began to sense a sort of sweet talk about religion - hinting towards the fact that religions have no problems at all. It is only how humans interpret religion that remains a problem. Personally, I do not think so. There are a lot of problems with religion that need to be addressed at this point of time and just harping upon the similar teachings of religions, equality among religions is not going to in any way address pertinent issues of conflict and peace. Also, the way in which we understand and interpret secularism is a challenge. Some issues raised during the seminar were: 

• Secularism does not mean being irreligious or non-religious i.e. indifferent to religion.
• Secularism does not also mean giving up our distinct religious identities and assuming neutrality.
• Religion must be a personal matter in a state, it must not intrude public life.
• State should not patronize any religion.
• Secularism should be looked at from the perspective of all - the majority as well as the minority community.
• Secular ideals should be examined in relation to democracy.
• Secularism and religion are not monolith ideas and each can effectively contribute to democracy in a meaningful way.
• We need to go back to the fundamentals of religion to remove the problem of fundamentalism in religion.

Another very well taken point expressed in the seminar was related to religious education. Universities in western countries offer the scope for an academic examination of religion. However, Indian universities and research centres have yet not opened up to such an idea - of an academic inquiry. This becomes important because we need to expose our young people to teachings of different religions to let them understand the messages of each one of them. This will go a great deal ahead in promoting inter-religious harmony which is the need of the present times. Religious bonhomie is good and accepting the 'other' is also welcome ... but if that comes at the cost of denouncing one's own faith, it may not be acceptable to people at large. There has to be some middle way, some creative channelization of religious thoughts in a democratic set up ... where religion is not totally redundant as also it should also not completely usurp the political discourse. What is sad however, and I am referring to India here, is the appropriation of religion by political actors, religious heads and people at large leading to incidences of communal violence and bigotry. I wish religion and its inquiry were taken up a bit more seriously and debates about it encourages so that there is more transparency with regard to the discussion of religion. 

At the centre of the discourse on conflict and peace, I see religion - it has the ability to both heal as well as to hurt. I think it should be used to heal and bind, not otherwise. I believe we need to go back to the similar message offered by all religions and use it to heal the wounds of humanity. Lets not make religion a tool for inflicting these wounds. 

With Love from Pakistan

Received with love from Pakistan on Saturday - 15th March, 2014. I got too emotional when I received this at my home. Especially when I read the words written below. It was sent by my friend Qurat Ul Ain Ansari who read my article on 'Localizing Peace Initiatives through Social Media' in The News International in Aman Ki Asha and connected with me on Facebook. She instantly asked me if I would like a hard copy. I was overwhelmed because I had always wanted to have a hard copy of my article published in a Pakistani newspaper. My wish was fulfilled on Saturday by someone who barely knew me before she read my article and spontaneously asked for my address and sent it to me. This will be preserved as a treasure with a hope to meet Qurat Ul Ain Ansari very soon. Thanks a lot :)

This was indeed a very sweet gesture and this is how I feel people from across the border can connect with each other. To me Qurat was a complete stranger. Till the morning on which she had read my article and had approached me via Facebook, I did not even know who she was. Our conversation started just like any two people on a social networking website who are not aware of each other, but wish to connect. She asked me about the articles that I had written on India-Pakistan issues and I felt very happy to share the same with her. She told me about herself, how while living in the UK she met Indians and her perceptions about India changed. Now some of her best friends are Indians. I exchanged with her my views on Pakistan, how I had made friends from across the border and how my current engagement in research had led me to discover a side of Pakistan and Pakistanis which I had never known before. The conversation kept growing and we chatted about visiting each other's country. She had visited India last year and shared me a testimonial written by her in Aman ki Asha. I expressed to her my desire about visiting Pakistan and meeting her. After such discussion I told her about my article published in The News International and she immediately sent me a photo of the same from the hard copy version. Then to my surprise, she asked me if I would like to have a hard copy of the same sent at my place. I was delighted as I had always wanted to hold a Pakistani newspaper in my hand and what could be better if your friend from across the border sends it. I shared my address and within a week I had this at my home :)

The feeling of having received something from Pakistan is surreal ... it was an emotional moment for me ... I almost cried and held the envelope and newspaper copy close to myself. It was somewhat unbelievable but it was true. I wondered how could somebody who barely knew me be so kind? It is then that I realized that if human beings irrespective of their nationalities, ethnicity, caste, language and religious differences can connect with each other for the greater cause of peace and harmony. These friendships do not remain restricted to the social media, they can be extended in real life. I kept thinking about this wonderful gesture and kept smiling. I assume this is what peace building means in real ... such exchanges, such wonderful gestures can make peace a reality. 

Lost and Found: A Tale of Renewed Friendship

A STORY WRITTEN BY ME :)

PUBLISHED IN - LOVE ACROSS BORDERS, AUGUST 2013: INDIREADS

Dilip did not know how to use Facebook. His grandchildren mocked him for not keeping pace with time and technology. Reluctantly, he opened an account and despite his initial fear and apprehension, was hooked instantly. Retired, he now spent the better part of his day surfing the net, connecting and chatting with an ever-increasing circle of friends. Within a few months he had found far-flung cousins and had established contact with long-lost friends. But there was one who eluded him and each day, as soon as he logged in, he would trawl different networks looking for this one particular friend.

“Who are you looking for Dada-ji?” asked his teenage grandson Rohan.

“A friend.”

And the search continued.

Dilip sat in the garden with his cup of tea and thought back to his college days in the US. Although forty years had passed, if he closed his eyes, he could recall them clearly. He could see himself, on his first day on the campus of the University of Iowa, surrounded by blond Americans, feeling awkward, alone and very far from home. He had been delighted to catch sight of a familiar face and immediately approached him.

“Hi, I’m Dilip.” And in a bid to place the tall, clear-cut features looking back at him, “which part of India are you from?”

“Pervez. And actually, I’m from Pakistan,” came the reply. “And I guess we used to be part of India once,” was added with a smile.

Dilip stepped back. It was 1971 and the two countries were on the brink of war. He was not sure how he could be friends with the enemy. Alone and in a minority of one, he found himself feeling more Indian than ever before. However, on the small campus they were fated to meet everyday, in classes, at the cafeteria and even ended up in the same dorm. In one class they ended up working in the same group, making interaction unavoidable. The South Asians, a small minority and all homesick, banded into a tight-knit group, and none became closer than Pervez and Dilip.

The two became inseparable and did everything together. Studying hard, partying hard, wooing long-legged girls in short skirts, experimenting with the ‘happy’ drugs so freely available on American campuses in the 70’s, all that and more. Their dinner parties were legendary, Pervez would produce blisteringly hot curries and rich, cardamom scented biryanis while music was provided by Dilip, the Hindi film aficionado.

And when their money ran out, which was usually towards the middle of the month, it was Dilip’s daal and rice that they would survive on till the next money-order came, along with letters from their families. They would both call home once a month and over the years, their families grew used to hearing the other on the phone. Not once during the four years did they go home. It simply wasn’t done back then. And neither they, nor their families could afford it. Instead, they spent their summers working to supplement their money-orders, flirting with girls and singing songs in the warm summer nights.

And then, in their last summer together, the two of them bought a battered old Ford with their pooled savings and set off on a road trip across America. And America, as yet innocent of foreigners, welcomed them with open arms. Their modus operandi was to find a familiar surname in the phone directory, call and introduce themselves. More often than not, homesick Indians and Pakistanis living in small towns would invite them home, feed them and give them a place to spend the night. Dilip smiled, he would never forget that road-trip.

At last, after a graduation ceremony they attended by themselves, they packed their bags and booked their tickets.

“Pervez, you better stay in touch and write. I know you - you’re useless without me. You wouldn’t even have written once to your parents if I hadn’t made you.” Dilip had known better than to trust his charming, but feckless friend.

“Of course I’ll stay in touch yaar. And you better not forget to invite me to India,” Pervez had said as he hugged him goodbye.

The two of them actually had managed to keep contact until their professional and social lives engulfed them. Family and work got in the way of the occasional letters and calls. Dilip then moved to Delhi and eventually settled there. As the years passed by, occasionally Dilip would catch himself remembering his old friend, but time had marched by. And now, when he had all the time in the world, he did not know where in the world his old friend was.

“You’re doing it again. Who do you keep looking for?” Rohan asked him again one day, finding him searching again.

“A friend.”

“Where does your friend live?”

Dilip was quiet for a moment. “Somewhere in Pakistan. I am not sure though.” It sounded odd not to know where to look.

“Pakistan! You have a friend in Pakistan?”

“Papa, Mummy did you know this? Dada-ji has a friend in Pakistan,” he called to his parents incredulously.

Dilip, wasn’t surprised. Years of indoctrination through the history books and media and the lack of personal contact had left the youth of both countries believing they could never be friends. Not much had changed since 1971.

As a child, Dilip’s son had heard stories of his father’s friend but Meeta, his daughter-in-law, was also surprised. Dilip told Rohan and her about how he met Pervez, how they became friends and then lost touch. And now that he had discovered the internet, how he had begun searching for his long-lost friend.

“Let’s find your friend,” Rohan said enthusiastically.

“Is that possible?” After months of searching, Dilip was doubtful.

“Difficult, but nothing is impossible,” Rohan grinned with the confidence of the young.

Over the next few days, Rohan hooked Dilip up to every social networking site possible - Twitter, Google Plus, Facebook, My Space, Orkut. Dilip felt a bit overwhelmed - he didn’t know there were so many sites. But even Rohan, the networking expert, was having trouble in finding a Pakistani who could help them connect with a bigger network. Dilip reflected a little sadly to himself on how the new generation, despite having incredible access to information and knowledge, still regarded their neighbours as aliens and had trouble connecting with them.

And then on the third day Dilip chanced upon a group of Indians and Pakistanis talking to each other virtually. There were petitions, posts and comments on a variety of issues relating to India and Pakistan. Interested, Dilip decided to explore the group. Suddenly a message caught his eye.

‘I am Pervez Iqbal from Karachi. Looking for a long-lost friend Dilip Sharma in India. Have no idea where he is now. His family moved from his family home in Sahranpur. We spent some wonderful days together in the US and he promised me that he would invite me to India one day. I am waiting Dilip. Get in touch with me. Your friend awaits you.’

Below the lines, was posted a picture of the two of them during their days in the US. An old, hazy picture which brought a flood of memories back to Dilip and a smile to his face.

“Rohan, I’ve found him. Come quickly. This is my friend,” Dilip shouted out, unable to contain his excitement.

Rohan came rushing out of his room.

“Is that him? Is that you in the picture with him? Dada-ji, you look so handsome!” Rohan laughed.

“Yes, that’s us,” Dilip fingered the picture forgetting the computer screen.

“What are you waiting for? Send him a message. Invite him like you promised you would.”

Without wasting a moment, Dilip wrote a message for his friend in the comments section.

‘Dear Pervez, your long-lost friend has found you and is going to fulfil his promise very soon. Very soon we will meet again and talk of our days, our times, when we did not connect virtually but ensured a place in each other’s heart. India and I are waiting for you. See you soon my dearest friend. Dilip.’

Six months later when Pervez visited India, he didn’t need to look for a familiar name in a phone book. He had an address and a place to stay that felt remarkably like his own.