Thinking as South Asians

Over the course of this project, during our conversations and while writing on our blog both myself and Sehr have been engaged in discussions about India and Pakistan. We have mulled over many aspects related to both countries, their conflict, their friendship and the future course of relations between them. It is in this process (which will shortly complete six glorious months!) that we have discovered each other. We always felt we knew more than enough about the 'other'. But what a revealing journey this has been. On this path, we have endeared upto each other, have shed our presumptions and with an open mind embraced the 'other'. We look forward to the next half of this journey. 

At this point I strongly feel that we need to venture beyond our national identities and talk about something that is more important. Of course, our identities as either Indians or Pakistanis do play a very important role in our lives. But this is not the end of why we are here together. We have met for a larger purpose. I have always wondered what is that is so common among us, what is that which drive us towards a prosperous and happier future? Should we be contained thinking that we have known the 'other' quite well now and that our job has come to and end? The answer to these questions was discovered when I started thinking of myself as a South Asian. I have many identities that have become an inseparable part of my life. However, the identity that I think about the least is my being a South Asian. Why cannot we think of ourselves as citizens of a sub-continent with such a glorious and rich past, heritage and social fabric. Why should we limit ourselves to being Indians or Pakistanis? After all, we share another interesting common identity. We belong to South Asia and we should be proud of this fact. However, how many of us would like to think of themselves as South Asians first and nationals of their country later? Despite the fact that we wax eloquent about our shared heritage, culture, language and identity ... somehow we have forgotten that we belong to the land of South Asia and it is the South Asian identity that strongly binds us together. Me and Sehr now wish to undertake and adopt this very neglected identity. We are South Asians who are committed to the larger cause of peace and development not only for India and Pakistan, but for the whole of South Asia. We ought not forget that as the two largest, most powerful nations in South Asia, both India and Pakistan have to be responsible towards humanity in this sub-continent. We cannot at this juncture afford to remain confined to our national identities and think only in terms of what is the best for our country. The time has come to expand our visions and ponder about what we can do for our neighbourhood.

South Asian Unity

As a citizen of South Asia's largest and most powerful country, I believe that more can be done on part of India in order to develop a vision for our region. India as a resource-rich and powerful nation can become the centre-point for South Asia's progress story. India has the resources and the capacity to spearhead South Asia towards the path of progress. Why then the reluctance to setting out on this path? It is because we have become so used to our identities as Indians that we are unable to venture beyond our very limited nationalist spheres. I do not visualize India as a 'bully' or a 'hegemonic power' in the sub-continent but as an elder brother who feels responsible towards his younger siblings. We see Indians making their mark in every field of life, we also see a dissolution of identities when Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Sri Lankans, Nepalis meet in far off lands. Our nationalistic orientations should not stop us from thinking about ourselves as citizens of South Asia. As good citizens, we definitely ought to contribute to the progress charts of our country. But it is time that we venture beyond and think in broader terms. India, I believe can do wonders for South Asia - and this is not just strategically or politically but more importantly in terms of economy, education, environment, culture etc. India should not strive to be a leader in South Asia, only capitalizing on its political and military power. It must rather think about how through its own development it can contribute to the flourishing of its neighbours. A prosperous and developed India can contribute to a stronger South Asia. It is indeed the need of the hour. When Europe can do it, so can we. Let us for a moment sit back and think as South Asians. Let us take South Asia to the heights of prosperity and develop it as a model region in the world.  The time is ripe that we forget our bickerings and come together as South Asians.  

Nidhi Shendurnikar 

While the world is looking down to Pakistan in a time I consider as one of the most sensitive ones, I think it has given rise to millions of questions on the credibility of institutions, democratic system and overall it's reflection as deteriorating reputation to the world. Meanwhile, Pak-India relations now have also turned out to capture the media attention. The skirmishes on border of Sialkot have raised many eyebrows and questions too obviously. However, we need to take a turn and take a broader perspective on the importance of Pakistan's contribution to South Asia as a whole. Pakistan holds an important strategic position in South Asia due to its location and due to it being the only Islamic Nuclear country in the world. We are in a position where we as a country seem to be trying to deal with internal challenges since 67 years of Independence. In 1971, East Pakistan and West Pakistan separated which produced more challenges to its state. If we generally take a look at Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, all of them faced challenges. What India faced after independence was a rule of a certain party for many years and this year, many might agree that they got free of 'Khaandani' hukumat. However, what Pakistan faced after independence was dictatorship. Years and years passed facing, tolerating and struggling for democracy and in 2013, first proper democratic system was handed over to other elected government. After a year, protests have started against the violation of merit system, against the massive rigging that Government is accused of in 2013 Elections and against the politics of 'Samdhi, beta, behn, bateeja'. Pakistan which had started a journey of economic development and peace relations with India as well as other countries in South Asia, seems to have been flooded away by the corruption and unjust system, as many say. Technically, we are in a position of war. Operation Zarb-e-Azb is undergoing and due to current political instabilities all the attention is diverted. Many fear bloodshed to end this dilemma, and others doubt martial law as well, although, its probability is low. The relations with India, in such state, are beginning to destabilize as well.

All of us together make South Asia 

Taking a broader vision, I want to see Pakistan soon to be out of it without any bloodshed and with negotiations on table. After we get out of this situation, I want to see it contributing to South Asia though trade and by signing many development projects. I think, we don't stand nothing as compared to European nations but we need heck of development too. After 20 years, I want to see Pakistan in a stable democratic system where justice prevails and no one sleeps hungry. However, that extends to the general South Asia as well. Taking in, Bangladesh is struggling with poverty too. Other than that, Afghanistan holds a key position in making us achieve stability within. What I deduce overall is that, without peace there is not going to be a single leap forward that contributes to prosperity of any nation. Be it peace within the nation or peace within South Asia, we all need to work out on our relations. Unity is strength and I hope that someday we travel so much forward in our peace agendas that we don't have issues like travel visas. I hope of the day when border skirmishes between Pakistan-India are almost zero, where we invite each other on borders and not kill. I dream of the day when we give education the power to decide our futures and not guns. And while I dream and hope all of it, I take this responsibility of being a individual who works on her own self to attain the most I could for the betterment of my Pakistan and for the betterment of South Asia. We all shall overcome hugely, someday!

Sehr Nisar 

Dosti aur Azaadi!

Dear Nidhi Apa,

If I say simple words like 'Thank you so much Apa', it won't even be enough to express my gratefulness to you. It's been a long time that I have not fully expressed my views on this blog the way you have, but all the conversations and voice notes are so imprinted in my heart that I can almost tell it like a story tale to anyone. It was extremely essential to at least give a try in replying to all your lovely blog posts and your friendship story lastly, that is and are really being admired by everyone. So, this is a post dedicated to our being from peace-partners to the fast-friends. 

I believe, it was substantial for us to meet and know each other this way and it was written way before we even got birth. My Dad is a very disciplined man and he whole his life has taught me to be one, but after him if someone has inspired me to be one is you. There are hundreds of reasons as to why we had to meet and probably, this to me is one of the very important reasons as well. All these months, one of my extraordinary observations was that you are a very dedicated person. A friend, who has changed my life to a greater extent and I merely am not saying it, your inspiration keeps moving with me in this life like a glacier melting and flowing into water. The way you took this project from the beginning up til now, I believe no one could do it. Your enthusiasm regarding this project has moved me very much which ultimately has led me to see all the dreams from your golden perspective and to hope like the way you do, from the core of your heart. 

We make this world complete! 

India and Pakistan partitioned on 14th August 1947. It merely if recalled is not just the date, month or year. It contains whole of the past, present and future. Over a million of 'our' people died in this process of migration that is called as one of the biggest migrations in history. However, in this process, we as once a one nation, now became two. What changed? Life? Homes? Streets? Cities? Ancestors? Religion? Conflict? 

If someone asks this, no, nothing changed. Actually the mass displacement that aimed to end conflicts resulted in a bigger and forever conflict. The partition did not stop the blood that trickles from the chests of our beloved soldiers, it worsened. What was the point if the hatred never transformed into love? Everyone moved on, but, never forgetting and forgiving each other. And if many of us did, our governments used the blood of our beloved for their own profits and are using it till date. How unfortunate? However, what needs to be considered is that even after such extreme situations, our destinies worked as miracles. Once living in a one country (Our ancestors) , how thrilling this thought is Apa, we once again got together. I thank the God, for this miracle and for this asha.

I know today we are struggling to bring peace but the thing that brings happiness is the mere thought that at least, at least we are giving it a try. I don't know what senior analysts and politicians have to say on this, or probably I just want to ignore whatever theories they want to convey regarding our relations and it is just for the better prospects that both countries can bring, It is for the Peace that fills within me and clears the thought that Ignorance is bliss, indeed. I also know that today we are a part of this project, tomorrow we won't be but this is not it and it should never be it. Small steps make big differences. Leaving behind all the sane thoughts and technicalities as the countries' officials see, I want to confess that I indeed don't believe in measurements of each inch in these relations. The measurements of the sort that if Mr Modi takes his hand forward to this particular centimeters, Mr Sharif will also move his hand out to the same measurement. This could be the steps of diplomacy but, to me it is insane. This is the sheer reason why the friendship between us has grown quite tremendously, that we don't exercise diplomacy. We give and take love and it won't be wrong to say that after 67 years of independence we as individuals have learnt to share peace because I believe we still complete each other like the puzzle pieces that makes this picture of world clear and complete.
I am hugely grateful to you, Apa. 

Sending love

Sehr Nisar

The dawn of a special friendship

Published at Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein - A forum that encourages and nurtures cross-border friendships.

Nidhi Shendurnikar Tere from Vadodara, India, writes about her friendship with Sehr Nisar who is from Larkana and currently studies in Lahore, Pakistan

It was in February 2014, when an email from Kirthi Jayakumar at The Red Elephant Foundation, Chennai delighted me to no end. It announced my selection to the Building Peace Project (2014-15), a yearlong peace initiative between Indians and Pakistanis dedicated to connecting young people on both sides of the border through new media. Ever since I had started working for my doctoral thesis on India-Pakistan conflict and the media’s role, I had been in touch with many people from across the border, and had experienced the warmth and generosity of cross-border friendships. However, I longed for sustained interactions with someone who could introduce me to the Pakistan I had never learnt of before. I wished to go beyond an academic and intellectual pursuit of the domain in which I was working, and experience the fruits of friendship with a person who shared my belief in peace. I was delighted when Kirthi told me that my partner in the peace project would be Sehr Nisar, and we would be engaged in the project as peacebuilders.

Since the beginning of the project, Sehr, who is a student at the Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS) has carved a special place in my life. There is not a single day when she is not fondly remembered. Though we have not met each other, our continued association for the project, our conversations on Facebook, and the video chatting sessions on Skype have become so integral to my life that it is difficult to conceive of anything but a mutual feeling of lifelong friendship between the two of us. Our initial interactions started off as individuals belonging to two hostile nations aiming to sow the seeds of peace. The day we formally began interacting for the project, Sehr told me that she would like to address me as ‘Apa’ (sister). I readily and happily agreed as I have often been referred to as ‘Didi’, ‘Tai’, ‘Ben’ (in other Indian languages, namely Hindi, Marathi and Gujarati) but never as ‘Apa’. I felt as if this term was coined specially for me and, ever since, I have been Sehr’s ‘Nidhi Apa’.

Sehr, whose name literally means ‘dawn’, has brought to my life a new meaning of friendship and warmth. Through our conversations, we have endlessly discussed the nature of hostile relations between our countries, the prospects for peace, our individual desires, and the different ways in which we can together contribute to building a peaceful narrative amidst hostility, conflict and animosity. Though virtually, we have begun to share our lives with each other – as a result of which, both of us have started realising that friendships are not hostage to borders. Our conversations have faced hiccups due to technological issues, time and study commitments; however, we have made it a point not to miss updating each other about our views on issues concerning both India and Pakistan. This exchange of views has shaped up into a meaningful conversation around issues related to peace and conflict, documented in our peacebuilding blog, nurtured during this period. We make it a point to address issues that are relevant, and those that can spark a debate in order to take this peace project further.

There are times when I have acutely felt the need to transform this virtual friendship into an offline one, and I wish I am able to do so one day. While celebrating festivals at home, watching Pakistani dramas on Zee Zindagi channel, and when I saw the movie ‘Filmistaan’, I wished Sehr and I could have been together, celebrating our friendship, demonstrating to the world how two people together can cross national barriers and be the best of friends. Such is the depth of our bond that anything new I encounter, anything I write, or things as simple as watching a movie, going out for dinner – I rush to send a voice note to Sehr, eager to let her know how important she has become to my life!

In our conversations on India and Pakistan, we have realised that we need not be similar for our friendship to blossom. We only need to hear each other out. It is on this principle that we have based our interactions. I always am keen to listen to what Sehr has to say about Pakistan, its beautiful landscape, her family, her university, and her inclinations for the future. I have loved and admired her marvellous artistic skills, the maturity she reflects at such young age, and the patience she demonstrates while listening to something which may be totally contradictory to her point of view.

At the same time, her keen interest in knowing about India has amazed me, and it is through her that I am actually getting to know my country better. Our chain of exchanges on issues related to education, politics, democracy, religion has made me rethink an array of complex issues. I know I can talk my heart out to Sehr, and she won’t mind even if she disagrees with what I say. She will still hear me out patiently, and address my unending queries about Pakistan.

Friends forever

She has introduced me to the historical and cultural heritage of her country – to a Pakistan I was unaware of earlier. I long to visit Larkana, her home town; at the same time, have her in Baroda where I reside. I would love to watch a Bollywood movie with her, treat her to home-made Gujarati delicacies and, at the same time, not carry the burden of being friends with a supposed ‘enemy’. It is the Building Peace Project that got us together, and it is our shared commitment to peace on which our friendship will chart its future course. As Sehr says, “I love what you love!” This, I believe, is just the beginning of an everlasting friendship, as we continue to unfold a new leaf with each passing day in our exciting peace journey.  

Two Religions ... One Message ... Peace

Dear Sehr,

I have become addicted to either writing a blogpost to you or sending you voice-notes through Whatsapp. I hope you enjoyed reading what I wrote about our friendship as part of Chintan bhai's 'Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein' forum. I was extremely delighted when he asked me if I could contribute a piece about our friendship. I lapped it up for I didn't wish to lose a chance to tell you how special you have become in my life. Every word that was written sprang from my heart and I hope once we complete this Peace-building project, I would have much more to write about the special bond that has been created between the two of us. 

I was happy to know that you were busy with the festivities in Ramzan and yes, festivals do make us lazy. But they at the same time revive us with a spirit that is missing all throughout the year. I loved hearing what you had to say about Ramzan, why it is celebrated, its significance etc. In fact, sometimes I wonder why we are so ignorant about rituals and customs in the life of 'others'. We must make a conscious effort to venture beyond our own religion and customs, and try and find out more about the beliefs of others. This project has enabled me in a wonderful way to know more about your life, culture and festivals and I am glad that you have been responding and cooperating with me on this. 

I was happy to learn that Ramzan is considered as "Ibadat ka Mahina" (the month of worship), it is a guest that comes once an year, and the tradition of revering guests is so strong in both religions that we can often discover many commonalities. Despite having a number of Muslim friends, I actually never bothered to inquire about the religious and cultural significance of Ramzan in Islamic life, though I did savour kheer/sevaiyaan at my friend's place. I have always believed that whenever we celebrate festivals, it shouldn't be done for the sake of it. We have to strive to know the history and the significance behind these festivities, as therein lies a deeper and more meaningful message for humanity. Yes, festivals are definitely about enjoying, spending good time with family, gorging on delicacies and spending on new clothes ... but there is so much more to discover, so much more to know so that our celebrations become more meaningful. 

From you I learnt that Ramzan is the month of blessings and life changes completely during this month. All round the year, we may not be that devoted or may not immerse ourselves in religious activities, however during this month you are required to wake up early, keep fast, stay devoted. Life really is occupied. However, what struck me was when you told that Ramzan isn't only about keeping fast and it as a whole delivers the message of patience, tolerance, control and peace. It is not just about controlling one's desire for food, but the meaning goes much beyond ... during Ramzan one is not supposed to stay at a distance from only desires of food but other desires as well. It teaches control, humility and patience. It is about how you can distance yourself from worldly desires and be involved in "god consciousness" (this is the term that you used along with God's fear, however I prefer the other time since God is not someone we should fear ... he is someone whom we can confide in and can trust). In this month, you are also supposed to distance yourself from anger, hatred and be careful as to not hurt anybody. This is such a wonderful message that needs to be incorporated in peace-building. When we have our religions teaching us peace, why do we even need to look anywhere else? Why then are people using the pretext of religion and aiming swords at one another? Do we forget these messages once the holy months are over, returning to our nature of hatred and enmity? Any holy month, in any religion should lead us to the path of righteousness, to 'Ibadat' as you said, to being gracious for whatever God has given us. You also told me about "Zakaat" which essentially means charity/alms through which we realise the pain and suffering of others. We may be privileged, but there are others who are not. We should think about them as well. This is so similar to the Hindu concept of 'daan' i.e. charity ... in almost all festivals in Hindu religion, the concept of 'daan' has been emphasized. We have to give to others, not through a sense of superiority but through a feeling of sharing. 

In the same spirit of whatever you told me about Ramzan, I want to share with that we, in India are currently celebrating 'Shravan Maas' - month of Shravan ...which like Ramzan is considered to be a a holy month for the Hindus during which they keep fast, offer prayers and abstain from all sorts of worldly desires. The idea if the same ... to immerse oneself in worship. Shraavan is considered to be a very pious and auspicious month and it falls in July-August. It is after this month that majority of important festivals in the Hindu calendar are celebrated. Some of these are Rakshabandhan, Ganesh Chathurthi (worshiping lord Ganesh), Nag Panchami (worshiping the snake lord), Navaratri (the festival that celebrates Goddess Amba and is the festival of nine nights of dance!), and finally culminating into Dushhera and Diwali. Thus, you see that the Shravan marks the beginning of the festive season for Hindus. Usually, Lord Shiva is worshipped during this month and fast (upvaas) is kept in his honour, though for each day in the week there is a fast to be kept. I usually keep fast on Mondays and Tuesdays (Tuesday has a special significance for married women whereby they keep a fast in the honour of Devi Mangalagauri and pray for marital bliss). Throughout this month, we also exchange eatables with neighbours and make special kinds of foods for fasting (some examples are sabudana wada, sabudana khichadi, rajgira purees, rajgira sweet, recipes made of potato ...however all these should be made saltless). At times, I have felt that the importance of fasting has to be beyond religion, it is scientific since our body also requires rest from all the food and related items that we eat throughout the year. Fasting is essential and crucial to Hindu religion and there are many benefits to it. So, in the same way that you have 'Sehri' and 'Iftari', we also have a specific kind of food when breaking the fast ... of which sweets are must. This holy month teaches a similar message as Ramzan does ... that of peace, tolerance, devotion, worship, kindness and harmony. When you told me about Ramzan, I was totally mesmerized and could immediately connect with 'Shravan Maas', whereby we are adhering to almost a very similar message. The rituals, customs may be totally different but the underlying belief is the same - that of complete surrender to God. I never thought in this manner earlier, so I guess my peace-building instincts are leading me towards such a thinking. 

When you told me of dahi ballay, pakode, fruit chaat and other delicious items ... I remembered how I rush from the university to home waiting to break my fast, eager to know what delicacies await me. I do not know why people never talk about or remember the fact that all religions give us the same message, though the past towards attainment of the divine may be different. This month in BPP, we had great educative material on religion and while I am proud of my religious affiliations - I equally respect other religions and feel each should try and imbibe the best of the other. If this is what we keep in mind, peace shall be easier to achieve and our tasks in BPP will be meaningful. In fact, a few years ago I remember being member of an Islamic library in my city wherein I learnt a great deal about the fundamentals of Islam ... that doesn't make me any less Hindu, right?

I am also pleased to here about rains in Larkana and here also rains are providing the much needed respite from heat. I want to know more about the Lal Shabaz Kalandar shrine in Sewad and many more such religious places that attract Indians for worship. In fact, religion can be a great healer and both governments should strongly support people who wish to visit religious places on the other side. It can act as a unifying force. 

I am soon going to address your queries about Shiv Sena and India's stand on the conflict in Gaza. I just recently participated in a discussion on the same theme at India Post Live which is a web news portal. I had a great laugh as you shared that funny 'badaam cake' incident from your childhood! Ask me, how many times I have mistakenly broken my fast and have repented a lot. But, fasting depends on intentions and your father is right when he says that a fast must be done with good intentions and not with the aim of gaining something.

With that, I am waiting for Behaddd and Humsafar on Zindagi ... waiting to see Fawad Khan again. Also, seems Zindagi Gulzar Hai will be re-telecasted I guess, on popular demand. Can't wait to see Khoobsurat in a cinema hall. I love Fawad Khan ... Zindagi is very popular in India and there seems to be a craze surrounding it. Everybody is hooked to it. I am no different. Looing forward to watching what seems to be another promising drama .. Kahi Unkahi. 

Eid Mubarak and hope the month of Shravan brings for you happiness and prosperity.

Nidhi