Our first Skype chat

Me and Sehr have started our BPP 2014 journey and our first chat session took place on March 30, 2014. I felt it was extremely important for both of us to know who the 'other' is, what she is all about before we could start discussing on peace, India, Pakistan, conflict and other such complex issues. The BPP journey has put us together as partners and I take this journey as a holistic experience of friendship wherein we have to start building bonds with each other and also make an attempt to understand the 'other'. This I believe is the thrust of this project. So here we began our journey by chatting with each other. The first chat session encountered many technical glitches (technology after all is also susceptible to faults!). For the first few minutes we were not able to connect on video chat and then when we connected, there was an audio problem. Hence, we decided to engage in a text chat because I feel that connecting with each other should be aided by technology and not dampened by it. Technological tools are the 'soft power' instruments that we are using in this project and these are meant to facilitate our interactions. Our friendships should not succumb to these tools or be held hostage by them so whatever the medium, the interaction has to continue. With this spirit, we started talking to each other with an effort to get to know each other. 

I asked Sehr to tell me something about herself, what she is doing, about her studies and about her family. I also expressed my deep desire to her about visiting Pakistan especially Lahore and Islamabad. Sehr has just turned 18 (awww!!! thats so young :)) and is studying B.Sc Economics in Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS as it is famously called). I did tell my friends in India about the B.Sc in Economics that she is pursuing and most of them were surprised because they had never heard of a B.Sc in Economics, but mostly of a B.A. or a B.Com. Sehr told me that she is a bit inexperienced as far as life is concerned and is still trying to explore the various facets of life. Somewhere down the line it set me thinking about the age difference between us (she is 18 and I am 28). Its going to be a rocking combination of a young and an old lady with a mix of young enthusiasm and old experience (I did refer to myself as old !!!!). From the first day when I started my email exchanges with Sehr, she calls me 'Aapa' which means elder sister in Urdu. I told her that I felt very warm and friendly at this gesture of hers. Then we got talking about how she applied for this project and what was it that stimulated her to be a part of this. Personally since I had been working for my PhD on Indo-Pak Conflict Mediation since 2011 and had already connected with a few Pakistanis, I thought that this could serve as an interesting exchange where I could get to explore so many unknown facets about Pakistan. This is how I actually got hooked to the project. Sehr told me that  an instructor in her University shared the link of the BPP project on the page of the journalism society for which she works. And, it hit her instantly. She always wanted to do something like that because she fell in love with History when in the 8th and 9th grade. I asked to tell me in detail about the journalism society because incidentally I also did my Masters in Journalism and Communication and now I am married to a journalist husband. She then asked me about how a PhD is done, what is the time frame and what are the procedures and protocols to be followed while doing a PhD. I then narrated my long PhD journey to her, at the end of which she was gracious enough to offer her help to me in the process of research.

A picture of Ajra sent by Sehr

We then started conversing about our respective families. Sehr is from Sindh (and this is what has fascinated me because I have always wanted to talk to people who belong to parts of Pakistan other than the mainstream Lahore, Islamabad, Karachi etc). Sehr has three siblings - two brothers and a sister. Her sister's name is Saba. Her brothers' are studying in boarding school while her sister stays with her parents. I told her about the two families that I have - my parents and my husband and in-laws. I also told her about my sister who is presently studying Travel and Tourism Management from Gwalior. Sehr expressed her surprise at the diversity and variety in my family since each one is in a different profession. She said that she would like to visit India someday as she has heard that Indian people are very hospitable (Atithi Devo Bhava - Guest is God - as Indian philosophy teaches us). We then started talking about her hometown Sindh and I asked her how it is different from the other regions in Pakistan. She told me its a lot different and then sent me a picture of 'Ajrak' - which is a a traditional shawl type cloth which is prepared specially in Sindh. The discussion then shifted to the festivals celebrated in Sindh since I had heard that Sindh has a substantial Hindu and Sikh population. Sehr told me about the celebrations on Eid which reminded me of my Muslim friends and the delicious sevaiyaan kheer that is served in their homes during Eid. I recalled with fondness my visits to my Muslim friends during Eid (incidentally the next day we were celebrating our Maharashtrian New Year - Gudi Padwa and the discussion weaned towards how we celebrate it. Sehr also told me about the sevaiyaan ki kheer that her mother prepares on the day of Eid and I wish I can visit their place some day and have it for myself. 

Through the discussion, I got to know that the Northern areas of Pakistan are known as the Switzerland of Pakistan and that they are full of simply breath-taking natural beauty. I have seen some pictures of the northern areas and also got to know about them from a research colleague in Archaeology who visited Pakistan as part of an exchange program last year. Sehr's friends had been to Indian Kashmir and they liked it very much, though she could not be a part of the trip. I believe exchange programs serve as excellent platforms to know each other and get the real feeling of being in the place which you just imagined and were curious about. I told Sehr that I am very curious to know about Balochistan, FATA and NWFP in Pakistan. I have only heard about these places and I would like to know more about them. (Balochistan is in Southwest Pakistan, largest in area but little population with Quetta as its main city and Ziarat as a beautiful spot in the region).

The discussion then shifted to a serious note on the presence of the Taliban in Pakistan (this has been a regular news feature in the Indian media along with the attacks on the religious places of minorities, especially Hindu temples). I knew that this was a sensitive topic which should not be broached at such an initial stage in our talks but I was just too curious and could not stop myself and I am glad that Sehr responded to it. The Taliban say that Islamic Sharia Law is not followed in Pakistan. They want to make it proper Islamic Sharia Law to be followed and because of it, they want to change the constitution. If not, they want to destroy it. The Taliban's agenda also includes making women wear the hijab and enforcing their own laws and rules on the people of Pakistan. The mere of idea of this happening scares me and Sehr told me that things are not that good in some parts of Pakistan where Taliban are attempting to dominate. After this, on a personal note I asked Sehr what she thinks of the 'hijab' and does she wear it herself. I told her about a similar practice of 'ghunghat' in some parts of India and personally whether it is a hijab or a ghunghat I am not in favour of it. But Sehr put forward a very matured opinion on the issue and it amazed me. I appreciated her very balanced opinion. She said, "I am neither against nor for it. I have friends who wear it. It is not a bad thing afterall. When we offer prayers we do wear dupatta. So, it is just the act of being comfortable with. It is also choice of every individual right? It should not be used to judge people around. Like, there are lots of kinds of people. Some who will be good from inside but don't wear hijab and some who will be bad from inside but wear hijab, so such things don't tell us about our character. Which is used to assume things here and everywhere."  So here we did have a slight difference of opinion but then we both understood each other's view. That is why the BPP project is all about - Agreeing to Disagree.

At the end of the chat I asked Sehr about her career plans to which her answer was that she is still undecided on this but at present she seems to be inclined towards journalism. I told her about my dream to keep studying endlessly and to open a research institute of my own. Even her father is a passionate reader and it was his dream to see Sehr study in LUMS - one of the best universities in Pakistan. I would like to interact with her family some day, especially with her father. For now I am certain that she is fulfilling both her own and her father's dreams. The sweetest thing that she told me during the entire chat was "I love what you love" (in reference to my passion for research). On this note, we have begun our friendship and with each chat we hope to unfold a new chapter in this exciting journey.

Till the next talk Sehr - miss you and take care :)