Indians and Pakistanis Cement Friendship through Peace Building Course

Although it may be hard to believe, the sight of Indians and Pakistanis talking to each other is not at all unusual. Despite the barbed wires that separate people of the two ‘enemy’ nations, one finds Indians and Pakistanis connecting beyond physical and mental barriers. With the help of virtual technologies, it is no longer an uphill task to connect with someone from across the border. While one-off interactions are quite common, an Indo-Pak peace building initiative recently introduced a peace building course that aimed to facilitate interaction between select individuals in an organized and structured manner for a longer duration of time.

Aaghaz-e-Dosti (AED), a civilian peace building initiative spearheaded by Mission Bhartiyam, a Delhi based non-profit and The Catalyst, based in Pakistan, working for normalization of relations between the two countries through people-to-people contact, introduced a novel peace building course called ‘Friends Beyond Borders’. For the first season of the course, which ran for eight weeks, AED received around 80 applications from different parts of India and Pakistan, small and big areas alike. This eight-week intense, interactive course, paired an Indian and a Pakistani through a mentor who was responsible for moderating interaction between them. The participants were designated as Indo-Pak E-Pals or Fellows. Devika Mittal, an AED convener, described the course as intending to “facilitate people-to-people communication, generate a culture of mutual respect and understanding, strengthen bonds of friendship, and develop a faculty of critical thinking for participants to be able to accept and move ahead with differences”. In her views, what South Asia requires at the moment is a celebration of differences to be able to counter extremist narratives of hate and violence.

Madeeha Dogar from Pakistan (Left) and Yashika Pahwa from India (Right)

As part of the course, twelve cross-border pairs interacted on several broad themes including politics, culture, religion, media, and society. Each week, the pairs were given discussion points, activities, and resources on a particular subject. They then explored the topic and worked on theme-based assignments as a pair. Participants spent the first five weeks learning about diversity in terms of religion, language, culture in India and Pakistan, common challenges faced by both countries, role of media in the Indo-Pak relationship, and a basic introduction to peace and conflict resolution.

I spoke to four participants and two mentors about their experience of participating in the course. Akshay Mankar, an undergraduate student at Hidayatullah National Law University, India, was paired with Salma Noureen, an educator from Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province in Pakistan. Akshay shared that his motivation to apply for the course was to contribute towards the noble goal of peace. “Before the course, my perception was that Pakistanis have a single identity; that as Muslims. It is from this course that I learnt of the diversity of identities in Pakistan, both Muslim and non-Muslim. I also used to blame Pakistan for all the problems in the Indo-Pak relationship. I have now realized that this is not correct. Both nations have their fair share of blame.” For Akshay’s project partner Salma Noureen, this was the second time she was involved in a cross-border peace building exchange. For Salma, no nationality teaches people to be prejudiced and biased. Hence, judging people based on their nationality is a narrow-minded exercise. Through her interaction with Indians so far, particularly in this course, Salma believes, “they are more concerned, aware of the changing world, and are able to see things in a broader perspective”. As a Pakistani, she feels that she has more to connect with on a common ground with Indians than disagree with them. During the course, Salma witnessed a glimpse of what she refers to as the ‘diversity of India’. She was ignorant of the many dimensions of India and the course helped her enrich her understanding of India. Akshay shares that Salma taught him to be optimistic for peace and strengthened his belief in humans striving for humanity on the other side of the border.

Yashika Pahwa and Madeeha Dogar, two young ladies from India and Pakistan respectively, was the other pair that I spoke with. Madeeha is a teacher's assistant with ACE International Academy, Islamabad. Yashika has a Masters Degree in Psychology. Yashika, who aspired for a more serious and deeper conversation than the occasional informal interactions that she’d had with Pakistanis earlier, was convinced about this course right from the beginning. Despite the considerable age gap between the two, Yashika and Madeeha broke the ice as soon as they began talking. Their common belief in being sensitive to alternate realities helped them through the course's journey. “Today, Madeeha is a good friend on whom I rely for advice, with whom I happily share my problems just like I would do with my friends here in India. I have learnt that Pakistan is a great country which has amazing talent with a potential to make impact at the global level”, Yashika recounts. Madeeha on the other hand recalled being inspired by her father’s interactions with Indians while he was studying. Her views of India came from Indian dramas, leading her to believe that Indians are mean, opportunistic, and can never be trusted. Her imagination of India was more ‘Hindu’ than a country that accommodates more religions and cultures than one can even imagine. Talking to Yashika, she says, changed all of that. They connected especially through their love for food and exchanged details of the kind of food that was popular on both sides. The pair, like others in the course, made an attempt to learn the other’s language as Madeeha wrote to Yashika in Hindi while Yashika tried doing the same in Urdu.

The mentoring process was facilitated by team members of Aaghaz-e-Dosti. The idea was not to instruct but to provide participants a flexible platform to help them build their interactions. Imrana Qasim from Quaid-i-Azam University, Islamabad, who mentored Fatima Shah from Pakistan and Aasma Pratap Singh from India, spoke to me about how the friendship paradigm that this course brought forth attracted her to play the role of a mentor. She was all praise for the pair whom she credited to being open and patient to divergent views. “Through activities such as video sharing, media analysis, and sharing of cultural values, I experienced a growing friendship between the two as the course progressed. Thinking altered, misconceptions were resolved, perspectives were enhanced, and more support was built in for Indo-Pak friendship”, said Imrana. Madhulika Narasimhan, a researcher from Delhi, mentored two pairs for the course: Richard Salafia from India and Faisal Latif from Pakistan, and Jasmine Singh from India and Muhammad Saad Farooqi from Pakistan. Madhlika claims the experience allowed her to both contribute to the process of peace building, as well as gain individually from it. She said it was a challenge mentoring the pairs since they already had a defined mentality about the ‘other’. Being sensitive to their ideas and thoughts was what she deemed important. Although she denies experiencing a sense of euphoria or achievement for having interacted with Pakistanis, because of her regular conversations with people from across the border, the course did allow her to dwell in exploring the mystery that surrounds a common understanding of issues between India and Pakistan. “I felt the course gave a sense of space and freedom to the participants, allowing them room for discussion and disagreement, rather than burdening them with structured thought processes. What the participants documented, stemmed naturally from their experiences, believes Madhulika.

Friends Beyond Borders concluded in early August with fellows interacting with Dr. Meenakshi Chhabra of Lesley University, Cambridge, Dr. Dhananjay Tripathi of South Asian University, India, and Dr. Zahid Shahab Ahmed of National University of Sciences and Technology, Pakistan, through video conferencing. While sceptics continue to doubt the fruitfulness of people-to-people dialogue between Indians and Pakistanis, what a course like this demonstrates is that even if virtually, such initiatives can indeed have a potential long term impact on the way relations between India and Pakistan take shape in times to come. 

You can check out the Aaghaz-e-Dosti Facebook page and follow them on Twitter at @aaghazedosti.

Written by Nidhi Shendurnikar-Tere and published on 16-October-2015 on the Sarhadpaar campaign at Beyond Violence

Happy Birthday FAB

This little birthday note was written to celebrate the birthday of Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein which completed an year of its existence on February 14, 2015. I have the privilege of associating with FAB as a core team member and volunteer. This is an outpour of my feelings for what I think is more than just a portal that uses stories to spread the power of friendship. Visit our newly launched website www.friendshipsacrossborders.org

Happy Birthday, FAB!

By Nidhi Shendurnikar

Celebrated FAB's birthday with a yummy strawberry cake

When I write Happy Birthday today ... On Valentines Day ... A day that is meant to celebrate the spirit of love, I wonder whom am I actually conveying this wish to. It is not to an individual, not to a group. It is my sincere and warm wish to an idea. To that idea of friendship, the seed for which was sown by a very dear friend and my brother Chintan Girish Modi in Mumbai on February 14 exactly a year ago. Why did he choose this particular day to gift this idea to the world? I think it was because more than mere love, this day symbolizes a feeling of wanting to develop new bonds, forge new connections and let go off one's prejudices that one often holds against people. It was a unique idea that was launched this day last year because it defied the boundaries set by conventional ideas of love ... The love between two enemy nations, love between people who find it difficult to cross the border to meet each other, love between people who probably have never met each other and know that it will be a difficult task to meet in this lifetime. It was on February 14 that Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein FAB) was born and I have had the fortune of associating with it since its inception. Today, on FAB's birthday I feel beam with pride and my conviction in the cause of India-Pakistan peace stands strengthened.

There are so many groups working for India-Pakistan peace. So what is new and unique about FAB? I was attracted to FAB because it was built around the premise of sharing stories. Stories of friendship, love and bonding between Indians and Pakistanis. Before being introduced to the idea of peace between India and Pakistan, it was difficult for me to accept the fact that Indians and Pakistanis could ever be friends, that they could share something as special as a friendship. How can two perpetual enemies be friends? All stereotypes, misconceptions and prejudices were to be gradually shattered as FAB entered into my life. There was something so special about it that one could not resist visiting the page and read about simple, ordinary but moving tales of friendships between Indians and Pakistanis. The best thing about FAB is its innovative streak and the fact that it does not attempt to be preachy about issues of peace. What is put forward as content is so delightful that reading it is an interesting exercise even for those who may be are not convinced about the idea of Indo-Pak friendship. Throughout the year, I have keenly followed all stories published on FAB and have seen the friendship community grow from strength to strength. Every time, I open up the FAB page, it inspires me through its novel approach to the idea of friendship. There is so much more to explore and learn each time, that I keep wanting more!

A simple idea, a simple thought can transform into something so productive and substantive with immense power for transformation. This is what FAB has done in the first year of its life. So much in love with FAB, I wrote a story about my friendship with my lifetime partner in peace ... Sehr Nisar, from Pakistan. This story has been read and appreciated by many, has been translated into Gujarati and Marathi and is waiting to be translated into many other languages. I felt there could be no apt forum to let the world know of my friendship with Sehr, than FAB. FAB will always remain special to me for many reasons, one being that I wrote my heart out about a friendship that I cherish.

While, personally I got to connect with FAB, academically as part of my doctoral thesis, I made an attempt to study its activities and content. Apart from being engaged in dissemination of friendship stories, FAB is also carrying out many on ground activities to address stereotypes. prejudices and hostilities. Any initiative can deliver results only if it is taken to people on the ground. FAB is doing exactly that and in the coming year, I dearly wish that its message spreads far and wide. 

With stories at the centre, the idea of user generated content is also exciting and will take a unique shape in times to come as more and more people join FAB and are actively contributing to its evolution. The personal and emotional connect that FAB offers is what makes it stand out. It encompasses personal, heart touching experiences which would be common place for people who have friends across the border. Forums like FAB are best for the younger lot in both countries seeking to engage with each other in ways apart from those offered by media, history text books and nationalist discourses. 

On this birthday, I wish for more and more young people to join this wonderful initiative, spread the power and love of friendship and share their stories on this forum. There is nothing more important than building and cherishing friendships in a world full of hostility and violence. Friendships are close to the heart. You feel you can lean back on them when you are drained, tired, distraught and dejected. I feel like I can lean back on FAB whenever I feel down and disillusioned by the hate, enmity and conflicts around me. I can drown myself in the power of friendship, be consumed by it and also inspire others to be a part of this process.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAB, wish you many more to come. Prosper, celebrate, flourish and spread peace :)

Cross-border friendships: A Dreamer’s Recipe for Peace

Chintan Girish Modi is a young Mumbai based peacebuilder striving for friendly relations between India and Pakistan Nidhi Shendurnikar Tere spoke to him about Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein, his initiative to transform the hostility between the two countries by building on the power of cross-border friendships through social media, supported by on-the-ground interactions and workshops with schools and colleges.

Chintan Girish Modi

What inspired you to be a peacebuilder? Any reasons for specifically choosing to work on India-Pakistan issues?

I am not sure if there is a special category of person called ‘peacebuilder’. I feel personally perturbed by the animosity that India and Pakistan have built towards each other for decades, and I want this to change. People in both countries have many stereotypes about each other, thanks to how we learn about the other side from history books, and more so from the media. Politicians, of course, know how to whip up nationalist sentiments at the drop of a hat, and spread hate. This makes me deeply upset because the focus is deepening divides instead of celebrating our shared heritage and interconnectedness. Sitting and wishing for a transformation will yield no results if I don’t do something. This belief is what led to my getting involved in India-Pakistan exchanges aimed at improving relations between the two countries through people-to-people contact. I must be honest and say that I have done very little but I am doing what I can.

How did you begin your journey into peacebuilding?

I used to work with the Kabir Project at the Srishti School of Art, Design and Technology in Bangalore. It is led by Shabnam Virmani, a documentary filmmaker and dear friend of mine, who turned to the poetry of Kabir after the violence and insanity unleashed in Gujarat in 2002. Of all her films, the one that affected me most was ‘Had-Anhad’ (Bounded-Boundless). It had a big impact on me, particularly the Pakistan sequences in the film. The ceremony at Wagah seemed absurd. The people on the other side seemed so similar to the ones on this side. Something felt utterly strange. I felt a deep sorrow but at that point of time I didn’t know that I too could do something. This experience stayed at the back of my mind. I joined the Kabir Project to look after the educational outreach aspect of their work. It was a rich and meaningful experience, soaking in the poetry of Kabir, Bulleh Shah and Mira, learning from them, and sharing that with children and teachers through workshops and interactions.

After that, I moved back to Mumbai. In 2012, while working with Shishuvan School in Mumbai, I had the opportunity to visit Pakistan as part of Exchange for Change, a project run jointly by the Citizens Archive of Pakistan and a Delhi-based organization Routes 2 Roots. After that, I have participated in other peacebuilding initiatives, and also been to Pakistan twice, for the Children’s Literature Festival in Lahore in 2013, and the one in Islamabad in 2014.

Any hiccups through this journey?

Oh yes! I have come across people who think that being Indian is synonymous with being anti-Pakistan. I used to get annoyed earlier but I realized that I needed to stay calm in order to continue doing my work. Prejudices will not disappear overnight. Those who are hurting will not heal in a jiffy. In order to do peacebuilding work, one has to prepare oneself to listen to all sorts of perspectives, yet stay calm. It’s not easy. Not at all. One of my school mates once commented on my Facebook page, stating that I should give up my Indian citizenship if I love Pakistanis so much. It is a rather simplistic understanding you, see. It is possible to love Indians and Pakistanis, and Afghans, and Americans, and Tibetans, and Palestinians. Why should love and friendship be restricted only to people who share our nationality? In fact, I prefer using words like ‘friendship’ and ‘love’ over ‘peace’. Friendship sounds like something you and I can do. Peace somehow sounds distant, something that is decided by people who sign treaties and agreements.

What keeps you going in the face of these hiccups?

Hope. And people who share my hope and dreams.

Tell us about your collaborations and friendships through this journey.

I have many dear friends in Pakistan, and there are some wonderful anecdotes to share. However, given the constraints of space, I’m going to mention only the ones I’ve also collaborated with on specific programmes. Anam Zakaria and Haroon Khalid in Islamabad are the ones who come to mind immediately. I met them thanks to the Exchange for Change project I mentioned earlier. Since then, we’ve done a lot of stuff together – whether it was participating with them at WISCOMP’s Conflict Transformation Workshop in Delhi, or working with Haroon at the Hri Institute for Southasian Research and Exchange, or being fellow panelists at a discussion on peace education in Islamabad. They are two of my dearest friends, and I make it a point to meet them every time I visit Pakistan.

Then there’s Shiraz Hassan, my journalist friend from Rawalpindi, who is one of the nicest people I know. He speaks little but is an amazingly warm-hearted being who I remember most for bike rides, walks through bazaars, and his unique sense of humour. Aman Ki Asha gave us the opportunity to participate in the ‘Conversations’ series, an exchange of letters over six weeks, and these got published in The News. We discussed art, history, music, literature, politics, our work, our everyday lives, the similarities and shared cultural heritage. I eventually met Shiraz in person on my second trip to Pakistan.

I’d also like to tell you about my friend Sheharyar Rizwan who lives in Lahore. He’s a journalist with Dawn, and we have been paired for this year-long programme called the Building Peace Project. We are one of ten such India-Pakistan pairs who write collaborative blogs, stay in touch through social media, and participate in online discussions around prescribed readings. I am so grateful to have discovered Sheharyar. He lives so far away but I know if I have to reach out for help, I can do that without a moment’s doubt. You see what I mean? One feels personally invested in friendships. ‘Peace’ just seems so out there.

Tell us something about Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein.

Actually, the idea is quite simple. In India, there’s so much bad news about Pakistan that it is almost impossible for a large number of people to even imagine that they could be friends with someone across the border. Similarly, in Pakistan, there are people who promote hostility towards India. I felt like there’s only so much that conferences and seminars can do. People-to-people contact is where the real stuff of peacebuilding seems to lie. I thought it would be a good idea to share stories of cross-border friendships, so I started looking for these. I got Pakistanis to write about their friends in India, and Indians to write about their friends in Pakistanis. These stories are about how they first met each other, what this friendship means to them in the context of the hostile relations between our countries, how their perceptions about the other side have changed because of this friendship, etc.

When I think of friendship, I think of warmth and caring, of opening up one’s heart to listen and be there. See, you can be friends with people of another nationality. When you find common ground over so many other things, nationality becomes just one of your many attributes. Who you are is not just your citizenship, or the country you were born into. I also visit schools and colleges, on invitation, to talk about these ideas with young people, sometimes using art, theatre and films.

What are your views on young people and their role in peace-building?

Young people living in India and Pakistan, and in the South Asian diaspora, have a very important role to play. Our countries have been in conflict for too long, and our people, societies and economies have suffered a great deal. Though a large number of young people have grown up listening to stories of Partition because their families were personally affected, many of them want to establish friendly relations with people across the border. People want the healing to happen. The pain is too much to bear. Despite the stereotypes people in both countries have about each other, many Pakistanis would love to travel to India, meet their friends and family here, visit their religious shrines, study here, or even just travel around. Similarly, several Indians would like to go to Pakistan, either to see the homes of their ancestors who migrated, or because they have friends they’ve met on Facebook, or have studied with in the US, Europe, or elsewhere, or just for tourism. It’s such a tragedy that we don’t even have enough exchange programmes for young people in both countries. Imagine Indians and Pakistanis studying together, or working at the same place. Such amazing opportunities to learn about each other, and move past our legacy of suspicion!

Chintan interacting with students on peace building 

How has the new media contributed to peacebuilding?

Oh yes! Definitely! It’s thanks to Facebook and Twitter that thousands of young Indians and Pakistanis have got the opportunity to interact with each other without the rigmarole of applying for a visa and, if they are lucky, getting one. These are rich conversations. Young people are not talking only about India and Pakistan. They are talking about combating gender-based violence, improving education, protesting against human rights abuses, making music, conserving heritage, or even just movies and television shows they like watching. These conversations show us how shallow our stereotypes are, how urgently we need to embrace each other, say sorry, and commit ourselves to each other’s well-being.