Happy Birthday FAB

This little birthday note was written to celebrate the birthday of Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein which completed an year of its existence on February 14, 2015. I have the privilege of associating with FAB as a core team member and volunteer. This is an outpour of my feelings for what I think is more than just a portal that uses stories to spread the power of friendship. Visit our newly launched website www.friendshipsacrossborders.org

Happy Birthday, FAB!

By Nidhi Shendurnikar

Celebrated FAB's birthday with a yummy strawberry cake

When I write Happy Birthday today ... On Valentines Day ... A day that is meant to celebrate the spirit of love, I wonder whom am I actually conveying this wish to. It is not to an individual, not to a group. It is my sincere and warm wish to an idea. To that idea of friendship, the seed for which was sown by a very dear friend and my brother Chintan Girish Modi in Mumbai on February 14 exactly a year ago. Why did he choose this particular day to gift this idea to the world? I think it was because more than mere love, this day symbolizes a feeling of wanting to develop new bonds, forge new connections and let go off one's prejudices that one often holds against people. It was a unique idea that was launched this day last year because it defied the boundaries set by conventional ideas of love ... The love between two enemy nations, love between people who find it difficult to cross the border to meet each other, love between people who probably have never met each other and know that it will be a difficult task to meet in this lifetime. It was on February 14 that Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein FAB) was born and I have had the fortune of associating with it since its inception. Today, on FAB's birthday I feel beam with pride and my conviction in the cause of India-Pakistan peace stands strengthened.

There are so many groups working for India-Pakistan peace. So what is new and unique about FAB? I was attracted to FAB because it was built around the premise of sharing stories. Stories of friendship, love and bonding between Indians and Pakistanis. Before being introduced to the idea of peace between India and Pakistan, it was difficult for me to accept the fact that Indians and Pakistanis could ever be friends, that they could share something as special as a friendship. How can two perpetual enemies be friends? All stereotypes, misconceptions and prejudices were to be gradually shattered as FAB entered into my life. There was something so special about it that one could not resist visiting the page and read about simple, ordinary but moving tales of friendships between Indians and Pakistanis. The best thing about FAB is its innovative streak and the fact that it does not attempt to be preachy about issues of peace. What is put forward as content is so delightful that reading it is an interesting exercise even for those who may be are not convinced about the idea of Indo-Pak friendship. Throughout the year, I have keenly followed all stories published on FAB and have seen the friendship community grow from strength to strength. Every time, I open up the FAB page, it inspires me through its novel approach to the idea of friendship. There is so much more to explore and learn each time, that I keep wanting more!

A simple idea, a simple thought can transform into something so productive and substantive with immense power for transformation. This is what FAB has done in the first year of its life. So much in love with FAB, I wrote a story about my friendship with my lifetime partner in peace ... Sehr Nisar, from Pakistan. This story has been read and appreciated by many, has been translated into Gujarati and Marathi and is waiting to be translated into many other languages. I felt there could be no apt forum to let the world know of my friendship with Sehr, than FAB. FAB will always remain special to me for many reasons, one being that I wrote my heart out about a friendship that I cherish.

While, personally I got to connect with FAB, academically as part of my doctoral thesis, I made an attempt to study its activities and content. Apart from being engaged in dissemination of friendship stories, FAB is also carrying out many on ground activities to address stereotypes. prejudices and hostilities. Any initiative can deliver results only if it is taken to people on the ground. FAB is doing exactly that and in the coming year, I dearly wish that its message spreads far and wide. 

With stories at the centre, the idea of user generated content is also exciting and will take a unique shape in times to come as more and more people join FAB and are actively contributing to its evolution. The personal and emotional connect that FAB offers is what makes it stand out. It encompasses personal, heart touching experiences which would be common place for people who have friends across the border. Forums like FAB are best for the younger lot in both countries seeking to engage with each other in ways apart from those offered by media, history text books and nationalist discourses. 

On this birthday, I wish for more and more young people to join this wonderful initiative, spread the power and love of friendship and share their stories on this forum. There is nothing more important than building and cherishing friendships in a world full of hostility and violence. Friendships are close to the heart. You feel you can lean back on them when you are drained, tired, distraught and dejected. I feel like I can lean back on FAB whenever I feel down and disillusioned by the hate, enmity and conflicts around me. I can drown myself in the power of friendship, be consumed by it and also inspire others to be a part of this process.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAB, wish you many more to come. Prosper, celebrate, flourish and spread peace :)

The dawn of a special friendship

Published at Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein - A forum that encourages and nurtures cross-border friendships.

Nidhi Shendurnikar Tere from Vadodara, India, writes about her friendship with Sehr Nisar who is from Larkana and currently studies in Lahore, Pakistan

It was in February 2014, when an email from Kirthi Jayakumar at The Red Elephant Foundation, Chennai delighted me to no end. It announced my selection to the Building Peace Project (2014-15), a yearlong peace initiative between Indians and Pakistanis dedicated to connecting young people on both sides of the border through new media. Ever since I had started working for my doctoral thesis on India-Pakistan conflict and the media’s role, I had been in touch with many people from across the border, and had experienced the warmth and generosity of cross-border friendships. However, I longed for sustained interactions with someone who could introduce me to the Pakistan I had never learnt of before. I wished to go beyond an academic and intellectual pursuit of the domain in which I was working, and experience the fruits of friendship with a person who shared my belief in peace. I was delighted when Kirthi told me that my partner in the peace project would be Sehr Nisar, and we would be engaged in the project as peacebuilders.

Since the beginning of the project, Sehr, who is a student at the Lahore University of Management Sciences (LUMS) has carved a special place in my life. There is not a single day when she is not fondly remembered. Though we have not met each other, our continued association for the project, our conversations on Facebook, and the video chatting sessions on Skype have become so integral to my life that it is difficult to conceive of anything but a mutual feeling of lifelong friendship between the two of us. Our initial interactions started off as individuals belonging to two hostile nations aiming to sow the seeds of peace. The day we formally began interacting for the project, Sehr told me that she would like to address me as ‘Apa’ (sister). I readily and happily agreed as I have often been referred to as ‘Didi’, ‘Tai’, ‘Ben’ (in other Indian languages, namely Hindi, Marathi and Gujarati) but never as ‘Apa’. I felt as if this term was coined specially for me and, ever since, I have been Sehr’s ‘Nidhi Apa’.

Sehr, whose name literally means ‘dawn’, has brought to my life a new meaning of friendship and warmth. Through our conversations, we have endlessly discussed the nature of hostile relations between our countries, the prospects for peace, our individual desires, and the different ways in which we can together contribute to building a peaceful narrative amidst hostility, conflict and animosity. Though virtually, we have begun to share our lives with each other – as a result of which, both of us have started realising that friendships are not hostage to borders. Our conversations have faced hiccups due to technological issues, time and study commitments; however, we have made it a point not to miss updating each other about our views on issues concerning both India and Pakistan. This exchange of views has shaped up into a meaningful conversation around issues related to peace and conflict, documented in our peacebuilding blog, nurtured during this period. We make it a point to address issues that are relevant, and those that can spark a debate in order to take this peace project further.

There are times when I have acutely felt the need to transform this virtual friendship into an offline one, and I wish I am able to do so one day. While celebrating festivals at home, watching Pakistani dramas on Zee Zindagi channel, and when I saw the movie ‘Filmistaan’, I wished Sehr and I could have been together, celebrating our friendship, demonstrating to the world how two people together can cross national barriers and be the best of friends. Such is the depth of our bond that anything new I encounter, anything I write, or things as simple as watching a movie, going out for dinner – I rush to send a voice note to Sehr, eager to let her know how important she has become to my life!

In our conversations on India and Pakistan, we have realised that we need not be similar for our friendship to blossom. We only need to hear each other out. It is on this principle that we have based our interactions. I always am keen to listen to what Sehr has to say about Pakistan, its beautiful landscape, her family, her university, and her inclinations for the future. I have loved and admired her marvellous artistic skills, the maturity she reflects at such young age, and the patience she demonstrates while listening to something which may be totally contradictory to her point of view.

At the same time, her keen interest in knowing about India has amazed me, and it is through her that I am actually getting to know my country better. Our chain of exchanges on issues related to education, politics, democracy, religion has made me rethink an array of complex issues. I know I can talk my heart out to Sehr, and she won’t mind even if she disagrees with what I say. She will still hear me out patiently, and address my unending queries about Pakistan.

Friends forever

She has introduced me to the historical and cultural heritage of her country – to a Pakistan I was unaware of earlier. I long to visit Larkana, her home town; at the same time, have her in Baroda where I reside. I would love to watch a Bollywood movie with her, treat her to home-made Gujarati delicacies and, at the same time, not carry the burden of being friends with a supposed ‘enemy’. It is the Building Peace Project that got us together, and it is our shared commitment to peace on which our friendship will chart its future course. As Sehr says, “I love what you love!” This, I believe, is just the beginning of an everlasting friendship, as we continue to unfold a new leaf with each passing day in our exciting peace journey.