16/12- #IndiaWithPakistan

Dear Apa,

It always extends to be a long era since I catch up here and I apologize, I do confess that I am sometimes really bad at keeping my life at a balance. You will be surprised to know that I'm no more in Lahore while writing this post but back in my home. Our University had to announce Winter Holidays before our finals that were to happen due to prevailing security threats in the country and to the educational institutions and I had to catch up the flight of next day to return home. These past days have been quite unexpected days of my life. 16/12 proved to 9/11 for Pakistan and sighs, sighs, we cannot even properly get out of it. Probably, we never ever will be the same after Peshawar Massacre. It snatched the soul out of our bodies. We always saw flowers on the dead bodies, never did we see the dead bodies of flowers. Flowers so innocent, so delicate, so unique. Unique in their stories and their fragrance. I've been writing and writing but the first instance when I read the news, I stood still in a shock with no words. Silence prevailed. I swear, it actually happened. I cannot imagine what happened, what those parents went through, I cannot imagine. It's like dying but not being able to die. The worst of wounds anyone could inflict upon us.

I didn't know how I felt. I was so angry and so frustrated at the same time. I cried. And I was so hurt. I didn't know what to do of this slow bursting in tears and tapping my pen into something, I opened it up and wrote something. I pushed myself to write something, and all the words that I could actually pile up on that paper were these to which I titled as 'Apne bikhre khayalat ka bikhra izhaar':

Likh likh k thak gaye hain sab,
Parne lagi hai madam kalam ki roshnai,
Lahoo ka jism se hai rishta aisaa,
Lekin aik nayaa itihaaz rachne laga hai ye dekho kesaa,
Bagair bhi jee lete hain hamare watan k ye anokhe sipaayi,
Junoon ka aik naya silsilaa kharaa honey laga dekho kesa,
Ye aansoon ki kataaren, ye Qabron ki kami,
Itni mehngi ye matti, aur itna sasta ye khoon
Kis tarah sameten, kis kis ko sambhalen,
Hum sab hee dhoob rahe hain inn aansoon k jharan main,
Itne masoomon ki cheekhein, itne asaatzaa ki dars o tadrees,
Unn ki aankhon main mazloomiyat phir bhi gharon main toofan bhara
Yahan tau sab hee dete hain jaanon ka nazrana
Kese bhool paayen ge hum unn phoolon ki muskaratein,
Dekho thakte nahn wo hevaan bhujaate bhujaate
Kitne diye bhujaayegen?
Hum din main sooraj ki roshni hain,
Hum raat ko jugnoo ka halkaa hain,
Iss mulk k saaye taaley, hum marr mitne ko zinda hain
Kesi jang hai ye, kesa waqt hai
Lahoo k khel ko banaa dia hai khidmat e insaaniyat
Aey watan, pyaare watan, tu hai aur hum hain,
Hai kesi ye uljhan, hai kesa ye zulm, hai kesi ye jhaariyat
Hum sab kitne bikhre hain aaj, phir bhi saath hain,
Hum aik hain, hum aik hain aaj

After completing it, I wanted to write and never stop. But, I'd to go attend the vigil in university. Every eye was wet, every face was sad. Pakistan couldn't still digest what just happened to it. But, when I came online I saw, Kirthi Apa sending this voice note which told us about this trend #IndiaWithPakistan and I saw quite large number of Indians coming out in support of Pakistan in this tragedy and through this post, I also want to Thank you India for their support and love. It felt more than just good. It touched us. Quite honestly, this project has taught me a lot about peace. It has taught me what I'm to me and what others are to me and what peace is to us. It has made me realize what I wanted to do in my life. I confess, hereby, that this project instilled me this passion for activism in every aspect and because of it, after this incident I took one of the quite small yet independent decisions of my life. It was to go on a walk of silent protest with my University without calling home and telling them that I was going. Why did I do this? It wasn't that I didn't bother about them, It wasn't either because my Parents wouldn't let me go out after this incident, it was because I knew that my Parents would support me in this and guess what? They were proud after hearing this.
Apa, that day I cried a lot like everyone else and I couldn't sleep for days. One of the reasons to it was that all the lives that were lost, I saw them as my brothers. I have two brothers who study in an army boarding school, what more could tear me apart when I saw this happening. God forbidden, it could happen to anyone. All those faces were not unknown to me, I felt they being very close to me. I felt they being my part because we are Pakistan and I'm them, they were me, we all are one. My point here to make is that we are all trained for this, we all know what could happen to us, my Dad still after this incident didn't mind me coming home on a coach.

What makes me even more sad these days is this helplessness. I regret coming back home, I wish I could go to Peshawar. I long to meet those all whose sons, daughters, relatives gave blood for this nation. Peace, I wish I can go and take a message of peace to soothe their pain, that I never can. These wounds are so deep and fresh. Let them remain this way because they will keep instilling in us this passion to do something, to play our part in peace, to play our part in this war. This life seems a debt which I never can pay back but at least, I can try.
And my rest of the life, I shall use for this purpose. I shall live for it. I shall die for it. Peace is my message. Peace is for Pakistan. Peace is for India. We all need Peace and not war. 

Give peace a chance, pretty please, pretty please!

Love
Sehr

Dosti aur Azaadi!

Dear Nidhi Apa,

If I say simple words like 'Thank you so much Apa', it won't even be enough to express my gratefulness to you. It's been a long time that I have not fully expressed my views on this blog the way you have, but all the conversations and voice notes are so imprinted in my heart that I can almost tell it like a story tale to anyone. It was extremely essential to at least give a try in replying to all your lovely blog posts and your friendship story lastly, that is and are really being admired by everyone. So, this is a post dedicated to our being from peace-partners to the fast-friends. 

I believe, it was substantial for us to meet and know each other this way and it was written way before we even got birth. My Dad is a very disciplined man and he whole his life has taught me to be one, but after him if someone has inspired me to be one is you. There are hundreds of reasons as to why we had to meet and probably, this to me is one of the very important reasons as well. All these months, one of my extraordinary observations was that you are a very dedicated person. A friend, who has changed my life to a greater extent and I merely am not saying it, your inspiration keeps moving with me in this life like a glacier melting and flowing into water. The way you took this project from the beginning up til now, I believe no one could do it. Your enthusiasm regarding this project has moved me very much which ultimately has led me to see all the dreams from your golden perspective and to hope like the way you do, from the core of your heart. 

We make this world complete! 

India and Pakistan partitioned on 14th August 1947. It merely if recalled is not just the date, month or year. It contains whole of the past, present and future. Over a million of 'our' people died in this process of migration that is called as one of the biggest migrations in history. However, in this process, we as once a one nation, now became two. What changed? Life? Homes? Streets? Cities? Ancestors? Religion? Conflict? 

If someone asks this, no, nothing changed. Actually the mass displacement that aimed to end conflicts resulted in a bigger and forever conflict. The partition did not stop the blood that trickles from the chests of our beloved soldiers, it worsened. What was the point if the hatred never transformed into love? Everyone moved on, but, never forgetting and forgiving each other. And if many of us did, our governments used the blood of our beloved for their own profits and are using it till date. How unfortunate? However, what needs to be considered is that even after such extreme situations, our destinies worked as miracles. Once living in a one country (Our ancestors) , how thrilling this thought is Apa, we once again got together. I thank the God, for this miracle and for this asha.

I know today we are struggling to bring peace but the thing that brings happiness is the mere thought that at least, at least we are giving it a try. I don't know what senior analysts and politicians have to say on this, or probably I just want to ignore whatever theories they want to convey regarding our relations and it is just for the better prospects that both countries can bring, It is for the Peace that fills within me and clears the thought that Ignorance is bliss, indeed. I also know that today we are a part of this project, tomorrow we won't be but this is not it and it should never be it. Small steps make big differences. Leaving behind all the sane thoughts and technicalities as the countries' officials see, I want to confess that I indeed don't believe in measurements of each inch in these relations. The measurements of the sort that if Mr Modi takes his hand forward to this particular centimeters, Mr Sharif will also move his hand out to the same measurement. This could be the steps of diplomacy but, to me it is insane. This is the sheer reason why the friendship between us has grown quite tremendously, that we don't exercise diplomacy. We give and take love and it won't be wrong to say that after 67 years of independence we as individuals have learnt to share peace because I believe we still complete each other like the puzzle pieces that makes this picture of world clear and complete.
I am hugely grateful to you, Apa. 

Sending love

Sehr Nisar