Published at Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein - A forum that encourages and nurtures cross-border friendships.
Nidhi Shendurnikar
Tere from Vadodara, India, writes about her friendship with Sehr Nisar who is
from Larkana and currently studies in Lahore, Pakistan
It was in February 2014, when an
email from Kirthi Jayakumar at The Red Elephant Foundation, Chennai delighted
me to no end. It announced my selection to the Building Peace Project
(2014-15), a yearlong peace initiative between Indians and Pakistanis dedicated
to connecting young people on both sides of the border through new media. Ever
since I had started working for my doctoral thesis on India-Pakistan conflict
and the media’s role, I had been in touch with many people from across the
border, and had experienced the warmth and generosity of cross-border
friendships. However, I longed for sustained interactions with someone who
could introduce me to the Pakistan I had never learnt of before. I wished to go
beyond an academic and intellectual pursuit of the domain in which I was
working, and experience the fruits of friendship with a person who shared my
belief in peace. I was delighted when Kirthi told me that my partner in the peace
project would be Sehr Nisar, and we would be engaged in the project as peacebuilders.
Since the beginning of the
project, Sehr, who is a student at the Lahore University of Management Sciences
(LUMS) has carved a special place in my life. There is not a single day when she
is not fondly remembered. Though we have not met each other, our continued
association for the project, our conversations on Facebook, and the video
chatting sessions on Skype have become so integral to my life that it is
difficult to conceive of anything but a mutual feeling of lifelong friendship
between the two of us. Our initial interactions started off as individuals
belonging to two hostile nations aiming to sow the seeds of peace. The day we
formally began interacting for the project, Sehr told me that she would like to
address me as ‘Apa’ (sister). I readily and happily agreed as I have often been
referred to as ‘Didi’, ‘Tai’, ‘Ben’ (in other Indian languages, namely Hindi,
Marathi and Gujarati) but never as ‘Apa’. I felt as if this term was coined
specially for me and, ever since, I have been Sehr’s ‘Nidhi Apa’.
Sehr, whose name literally means
‘dawn’, has brought to my life a new meaning of friendship and warmth. Through
our conversations, we have endlessly discussed the nature of hostile relations
between our countries, the prospects for peace, our individual desires, and the
different ways in which we can together contribute to building a peaceful
narrative amidst hostility, conflict and animosity. Though virtually, we have
begun to share our lives with each other – as a result of which, both of us
have started realising that friendships are not hostage to borders. Our conversations
have faced hiccups due to technological issues, time and study commitments;
however, we have made it a point not to miss updating each other about our
views on issues concerning both India and Pakistan. This exchange of views has
shaped up into a meaningful conversation around issues related to peace and conflict,
documented in our peacebuilding blog,
nurtured during this period. We make it a point to address issues that are
relevant, and those that can spark a debate in order to take this peace project
further.
There are times when I have
acutely felt the need to transform this virtual friendship into an offline one,
and I wish I am able to do so one day. While celebrating festivals at home,
watching Pakistani dramas on Zee Zindagi channel, and when I saw the movie
‘Filmistaan’, I wished Sehr and I could have been together, celebrating our
friendship, demonstrating to the world how two people together can cross national
barriers and be the best of friends. Such is the depth of our bond that
anything new I encounter, anything I write, or things as simple as watching a
movie, going out for dinner – I rush to send a voice note to Sehr, eager to let
her know how important she has become to my life!
In our conversations on India and
Pakistan, we have realised that we need not be similar for our friendship to
blossom. We only need to hear each other out. It is on this principle that we
have based our interactions. I always am keen to listen to what Sehr has to say
about Pakistan, its beautiful landscape, her family, her university, and her
inclinations for the future. I have loved and admired her marvellous artistic
skills, the maturity she reflects at such young age, and the patience she
demonstrates while listening to something which may be totally contradictory to
her point of view.
At the same time, her keen
interest in knowing about India has amazed me, and it is through her that I am
actually getting to know my country better. Our chain of exchanges on issues
related to education, politics, democracy, religion has made me rethink an
array of complex issues. I know I can talk my heart out to Sehr, and she won’t
mind even if she disagrees with what I say. She will still hear me out
patiently, and address my unending queries about Pakistan.
 |
| Friends forever |
She has introduced me to the
historical and cultural heritage of her country – to a Pakistan I was unaware
of earlier. I long to visit Larkana, her home town; at the same time, have her
in Baroda where I reside. I would love to watch a Bollywood movie with her,
treat her to home-made Gujarati delicacies and, at the same time, not carry the
burden of being friends with a supposed ‘enemy’. It is the Building Peace
Project that got us together, and it is our shared commitment to peace on which
our friendship will chart its future course. As Sehr says, “I love what you
love!” This, I believe, is just the beginning of an everlasting friendship, as
we continue to unfold a new leaf with each passing day in our exciting peace
journey.
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